Time is the most precious thing we have.  Once spent, lost or squandered it can never be recovered or replaced.

Today I had two hours of my precious time unequivocably and unrecoverably FLUSHED AWAY beyond any and all hope of redemption.  The new Twilight movie is without a doubt the WORST movie I have ever had the intolerable and acute misfortune to see in my over forty years of movie-going.

The acting was lame and wooden – at best.  The music was saccharine sweet and syrupy.  The plot – if there had actually been one – would have been banal in the extreme.  The only redeeming quality was the cinematography of the honeymoon which, along with the pointless post-pubescent unrealistic gushing female fantasy of a wedding, monopolized the first HOUR of the movie.

Half an hour into the movie I distinctly recall thinking that if my iPad wasn't locked inside the car of the person I'd accompanied to the movie, I would grab it, leave the theatre and walk home – I live only ten minutes away.  I looked at my watch FIVE TIMES during the movie, that is when I wasn't literally dozing off.

Caring about the characters is not an option in this movie – I absolutely loathe them.  If I could take Edward Cullen, dismember him and then beat the other cast members to death with the severed limbs, I would – and thoroughly relish the experience.

I have never felt that I needed a refund for a movie before.  This is a first for me.

If anyone likes this movie, there are only three choices:

1) They are mentally deranged

2) They are on life support and certifiably brain-dead

3) They are running, not walking, down the "Too Stupid To Live" Road

And the best part?  This is only Part 1!

Suffice it to say that I will not be insulting my meaningful intelligence by subjecting it to Part 2.

It would also be extremely ill-advised for anyone to suggest that I do.